we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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