i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
