i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
