i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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