At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
