Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.

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(702): View more from Nevada

He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.

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(925): View more from California

I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.

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(970): View more from Colorado

The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.

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(913): View more from Kansas

driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup

(868): View more from Trinidad and Tobago-Carib

So no more sangria road trips?

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.

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