The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize