I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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