suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
