12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just had sex on a roof
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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