There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
