I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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