yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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