Welp...herpes.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
