They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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