:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
