Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
