True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
