He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
