She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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