this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
