I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
