the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
