If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
