Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
