I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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