I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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