If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
