By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She bit a glass in half.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize