Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
