is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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