god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
