new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize