Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
