I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
