Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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