Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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