Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
