I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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