I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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