do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
