im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
