He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
