The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
