Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
