just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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