If that was your dad, he is hot
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
