Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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