The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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