ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
