Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I didn't notice because vodka
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
