If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize