Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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