Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize