Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
