I love black thongs
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize