OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
