Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize