there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
