i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
