Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize