HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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