He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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