this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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