I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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