He disabled his match.com account in front of me
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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