margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
it hurts more in the daytime
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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